When I dream of fabulous holidays

Whenever I dream of winning the lottery and going on truly wonderful holidays there is only one place I go to daydream and that is www.itcclassics.co.uk

What a cracking website, beautiful photography of wonderful hotels in stunning locations. There are   three hotels in Australia that just look marvellous. One overlooking Sydney harbour, one close to Ayers rocks and the other on the northern coast. Add to this a great smattering of ones in the Maldives (including one with an underwater spa with glass walls to three sides and another with your own Dhoni/yacht that you can either mooch around the islands with or remain on land in your accompanying beach villa) and the Caribbean and this is really a place I could spend some lottery cash.

I wouldn't go mad and have a ridiculous amount of holidays, maybe just three or four a year and at least one right at the beginning where I could spend a few weeks with a pen and paper working out how much I want to give to friends and loved ones. Could you ask for anything better. A great hotel with outstanding service and the opportunity to mull over different ways of how you can change the lives of those closest to you. To this end any win would have to be in excess of £10 million. I've not got that many friends and relatives but I'd want to drastically change their lives and bring them happiness and I don't think a paltry £1 million would be enough to do this!

Orlando. September 2007

My brother and I visited Florida for 18 days in September. I've been meaning to do a trip report since I've been back but I seem to have lacked the motivation to commence the big project. Strangely though when faced with a smaller task, like writing up about Kennedy Space centre or Universals Island of Adventures I've managed to put something down. So until I eventually get off my arse and do a day by day trip report here is a collection of pieces that I wrote and put on trip adviser.

I do also hope to get some images up on another gallery soon.

Kennedy Space Centre

Kennedy Space Centre opens at 9.00am and we left Orlando at just before 8.00. We made excellent time with the top down in our canary yellow Chrysler PT cruiser and were there for about 8.45 - 8.50. We had pre-booked our tickets and also the Astronaut lunch, though I believe you could still do this at the ticket kiosk.

Security was stringent going through, friendly but strict like an airport. We passed through and headed straight over to the Shuttle Launch experience, which is the latest attraction that they've been working on. It’s fantastic. Whether it's the snippets of interviews with various astronauts as you are queuing, the pre launch film with the astronaut Charlie Bolden which is probably the best pre ride film I saw anywhere or the simulator, which although not as extreme as Epcot’s Mission: Space is still very good, it’s a lot of fun. When you come off the simulator you take this long wide spiral ramp down to the shop and see details on every single shuttle mission. It’s fascinating.

I hadn’t been motivated to buy anything from gift shops up to this point on the holiday but something just spoke to me at Kennedy and I realised I was in the perfect buying mood. I was feeling a little contemplative yet invigorated and with the melodic but inspiring sounds of piano playing in the background I knew I wanted some NASA items that would remind me of my connection to the brand. There was mugs, key rings etc but the daddy was an orange shuttle experience flight suit. I’d clocked it when looking around but it wasn’t until my brother said that it looked cool that it gave it the validation for me to consider it.

Ok, I didn’t really need it and it was the epitome of an impulsive purchase but I knew I simply wanted it. Maybe I could wear it whilst playing Halo 3 or if I ever got invited to another fancy dress party. With the park to still go around I didn’t want to get it this early but after trying it on in the shop as they didn’t have a changing room I decided to give it serious thought as we moved around. We had a look inside the full scale model of a shuttle which is right next to the experience and allows you to see the cockpit and the large size of the cargo bay.

Then over to main centre where the first 3D Imax film was starting called Space station 3D. It's narrated by Tom Cruise but he doesn't do any grandstanding i.e. there's no cheesy 'Hi I'm Tom Cruise and I'd like to talk to you about....' The footage is excellent and on the huge screen and in 3D you really get a sense of wonder and spectacle.

We came out of there wanting to catch the next Imax film 'Magnificent Desolation' but unfortunately it was already full up even though there was 10 mins to go. I was gutted and really concerned that we would end up not managing to fit it in. We consoled ourselves by using the time to look at the Astronaut memorial which is a large panelled mirror engraved with the names of those that have died in the space programme and that was paid for by the people of Florida. We also looked at the Exploration in the new Millennium exhibition as well as the rocket park.

Queued up for the Astronaut lunch which started at 12:15. I was initially alarmed as it was a large function room and there must have been about 30 banquet tables laid out. I wasn't expecting the lunch to be with just 10 of us but I was hoping for something a little more intimate that 150! Thankfully there must have been about 40 people in total. The food was a hot buffet and excellent in choice and quality. Just as we came onto our dessert the compere introduced our astronaut, Jon McBride.

He was a fascinating guy who far from being some old crusty that you think they might wheel out, was a bona fide astronaut having commanded a good few shuttle missions. He talked a little about having been an astronaut and then opened up the floor for questions. I asked him a question about how everyone wants to be an astronaut but at what point did he realise it was an actual possibility. He loved that question as it allowed him to talk about how he'd come through the ranks as a naval pilot, flown over 60 combat missions, before becoming a test pilot, submitting an application with 20,000 others and being selected down to 200. From here he attended a week long selection course and then had to wait 4 or 5 months before he got a phone call at 6.00am one morning to let him know that he was one of 12 people selected to fly shuttles.

We all got a signed photo which had a little biog of him on the back and he poses outside for more photos if you wanted. We didn't want to crowd around him but he did come over to us and shook our hand. I don't know if it was because I was feeling some hero worship or he was pleased with us having asked a good question but I felt there was some real sincerity in his handshake. I would love to have had about 30 minutes alone with him as I had so many questions buzzing through my head.

A young girl asked him if he believed in aliens which was quite funny but he answered it well by saying that he hadn't seen anything to make him believe they existed but then said as his friend Carl Sagan once said “with all the stars and galaxies out there it would be an awful waste of space if it was just us”. Amazing that he would have known Carl Sagan and quote one of my favourite lines from the film Contact.

I didn't want to hog the microphone so managed to get in one more question when he came over to us. I asked him what the star fields looked like when in space because when you see space or moon footage you can never see the stars in the background. Get a clear night on earth and the stars can be amazing so I wondered what they were like when not having to look at them through the filter of the Earth's atmosphere. He said they were incredible but I guess it's pretty hard to articulate how amazing they must be in like a minute.

We hurried off as the NASA Up close bus tour that we'd booked to do started at 13:50 (others ran earlier) and we hoped that we might get back in time to see the last performance of Magnificent Desolation.

The bus tour was excellent. They take you out to drive past the launch pads, the large assembly building where they put the shuttle together and then trundle it out to the launch platforms, the airstrip that the shuttle sometimes lands on and an early observation post (A/B camera stop) where you can get out of the coach and take pictures. The large assembly building has a huge painted stars and stripes flag on it that took 500 gallons of paint with each stripe being 8 feet across!

The tour lasts about 2½ hours and finishes up at the Apollo/Saturn V centre where you get to watch the launch of the first Saturn rocket launch with the actual instruments and a recreation of the control room that existed at the time. It’s done very well even to the point of shaking the walls, rattling the shutters and changing the colours outside of the supposed windows. From here you move through to see the full scale model of a Saturn V rocket. It isn’t the complete length but it is to scale and truly is massive. It’s hard to take on board how goddam big the rockets are, especially when you go and see how small the bit at the other end is where the astronauts were housed.

From here we got a bus back to the main visitor centre with about 10-15 minutes spare so we could catch the last performance of Magnificent Desolation – Walking on the moon. Quickly raced over to the Shuttle Experience shop, though we didn’t unfortunately have time to do the actual experience again, to pick up the flight suit and rush back for the film. The film was great and is narrated by Tom Hanks. My brother preferred the Space Station one but this was the better in my opinion. Some of the shots of the moon where great and they even addressed the issue of whether they’d actually gone or not which demonstrated that they didn’t take themselves too seriously. There was a scene in the film where one of the astronauts (they were all voiced by big stars) talks about how he left a picture of his family on the moon with a message written on the back. He wondered how long it would be and who might pick it up in the future. Coupled with the music in the background there was something so sincere about it and I found a lump forming in my throat. A truly wonderful film and a really nice way to end the attraction side of things.

The park was closing at 6.00pm and with about 20 minutes to go rushed over to the shop as I knew I wanted to go mad and I did. Four mugs, a baseball cap, another jacket, three key rings, some freeze dried space food and even another badge which I ridiculously thought I might actually sew on my flight suit! They had the DVD for the Space Station film but not the Magnificent Desolation one which I would have loved to have bought. Maybe I’ll have to keep an eye on their online shop. It was the park shutting which caused me to stop shopping but I wanted to embrace the NASA vision so much I could have carried on spending and convincing myself that I needed these items.

We left Kennedy Space Centre totally fulfilled having had a great day of entertainment with not one duff ride or a moment when I wasn’t filled with a sense of awe. It was a real highlight of the holiday and I couldn’t recommend it highly enough especially for those with even a mild interest in space.

Universal's Islands of Adventure

We both agreed that Universal’s Islands of Adventure was the best theme park in Florida. We did them all, even Busch, and IOD’s attention to detail rivals and even supersedes that of Disney. It is worth noting that it is more aimed at teens and adults and hence is probably why it was more favoured by ourselves. The staff operating the rides seemed some of the cheeriest that we encountered, especially Hulk, and the park was clean, tidy and well maintained. The design and thought behind the queue lines are wonderful and although queuing isn’t much fun there are a lot worse places to queue. 

I’ll just run through my thoughts on the park.  

The Hulk ride is very good though perversely best enjoyed from the rear seats as you feel the ‘blast off’ (rapid acceleration) moment more than you do from the front seat. Spiderman is a must do, excellent 3D ride/simulator that doesn’t need a great deal of introduction. Dr Doom’s Fearfall and Storm Force acceleration are not worth investigating. Dr Doom has a great build up but ultimately rockets you up for half second of excitement but then slowly bounces you down which cancels out any feeling of adrenaline. The ride either needed to be another 100 ft higher or blast right to the top, hold and then come racing back down again. Storm Force looked like a revolving teacups kind of ride and hence we decided against going on it.

Next is the fun and brightly coloured Toon Lagoon. Popeye & Bluto’s Bilge-Rat Barges and Dudley Do-Rights Ripshaw falls await. The first is like a rafting rapids ride while the second is a log flume. These are the very best versions of these type of rides to be found in Florida and you’ve got to do them. They are great fun, very well designed and have plenty of ‘oh god no’ moments. You will get wet doing them so I recommend doing them earlier in the day to give you a chance to dry out. Naturally I’d recommend the wearing of white clothing to give members of the opposite sex a welcome thrill and there shouldn't be any welching out by wearing a poncho.

If you are worried about valuables getting wet like your wallet or a camera then wrap them in one of the park maps. I found the glossy print on them helped provide a useful temporary water barrier. A little more fun can be had by going on the Me Ship, The Olive. It’s meant for the kids but it does offer up some great views/photo ops across the lake as well as having some free water turrets to let you rain water down on passing passengers of the Bilge Rat barges. Being free allows you to ‘get your eye in’ so they are correctly positioned to ensure maximum soakage. We found regular jabbing of the button, as opposed to one press, gave continuous bursts and pivoting it up and down in its cradle gained you a few more feet in your range of fire.

Following this is Jurassic Park. Do the Jurassic Park river adventure. The boats take quite a few people so queues don’t take too long to move. It’s got some excellent animatronics and starts off nicely enough before the velociraptors break out, screw everything up and you are left taking a steep watery plunge through the legs of a roaring T-Rex. There is also the Pteranodon flyers which looked kinda cool, basically being a couple of chairs going round a suspended wire circuit. Unfortunately we never managed this as the queue time ranged from 45 – 60 mins all day and it’s only an 80 second ride.

There is an eatery in the main building within this island (might be the dinosaur centre or something) called the Burger Digs which did the best burger I had all holiday. It was a double burger and was one of the first times that a burger has lived up to the Dino burger label. Juicy, succulent and hugely filling. Great fries, good chicken and great milkshakes as well. All of that and you could eat on a terrace area overlooking the lake in the middle of the park.

You then move into the Lost Continent where you will find in our opinion, the best coaster in Florida. Duelling Dragons. They are two separate coasters intertwined with each other. As they are both the foot dangling variety ensure you do them from the front on your first go. You might have to queue a bit more but you only get one chance to do a ride for the first time, so you might as well do it from the front. The detailing on the actual coasters is superb with teeth and claws dotted around the framework and the setting, particularly the queuing areas, within a gloomy, eerie castle is very atmospheric. We must have gone on duelling dragons in various positions about 8 or 9 times.

Do Fire (red one) first which is good but THEN do Ice (blue) which is the better of the two. The view from the front of this offered one of the single best highlights from our trip. There is a moment in the ride where you come swooping down to the ground and race along the floor going headlong towards the Fire coaster which is coming straight at you. We liked to extend our arms in a taunting, roaring “Come on!” just as you both pull sharply up into a loop and your feet are a mere 12 (yes 12) inches from the feet of the people on the other coaster – Wicked!!!

After this catch the Eighth voyage of Sinbad. I think there is only two a day so make sure you get to see it. It’s hokum but good clean fun with the necessary stunts, explosions and bad (but funny) jokes. I found the woman who plays the evil witch in her knee length boots and black velvet cat suit mind bendingly attractive, especially when she posed for photos afterwards and hammed up her evilness. I may be a grown man but like a soppy, smitten teenager I had to have a photo with her. She had a voice like Bonnie Tyler and the intoxicating allure of the female from the evil trio in Superman 2. Wow.

Finally, hit Poseidon’s Fury. It’s one of those move from room to room shows but some of the fire and water effects are amazing, especially when you walk through the ocean tunnel with the water passing round over your head. It’s all pretty spectacular.

Seuss Landing was a little kiddified for me and not knowing a lot about it there wasn’t really a great deal to attract us. Knowing Universal I’m sure it would be very good for the kids but we just used this time to hit our favourite rides again and buy an assortment of mugs from the well stocked and nicely presented gift shops.  

Our hotel. Comfort Inn, Lake Buena Vista

My brother and I stayed at the Comfort Inn, Lake Buena Vista for almost 18 days (two nights we were down in Tampa) and we had no complaints.

I concede that we were kind of out of season but the hotel did everything that it claimed it would do. Check in was painless, especially if you had a little tolerance and patience that seems sorely lacking from some of the people reviewing this hotel.

The car park was large and spacious. Finding your room couldn't have been easier (some say it is confusing). The rooms are accessed by an exterior gangway that runs to the front of the rooms. All the rooms are numbered, as are the floors, so I find it hard to believe that people blame the hotel design when they can't find their room.

As for the rooms we had a large comfortable space. There was plenty of storage, the TV worked, two double beds, a working air conditioner, a very good shower, basin area and a nice sized fridge. The rooms were cleaned daily and the towels were changed when working on the basis that if you wanted it changed you left it on the floor.

The hotel receptionists were always helpful and courteous and I encountered none of the arm twisting timeshare sales stuff that many bleat about. To be honest I never found myself aimlessly milling around the reception and hence wouldn't have been a target for these mystical canvassers.

There is a desk that offers you a host of maps and leaflets and although they tell you about a breakfast you can attend to hear about timeshare they don't break you arm to do so. I wish we'd taken more notice of the leaflet stand in reception as only after spending $250 in the denim outlet centre did we see the 20% off voucher!

There are so many things to do and see in Orlando that all you really want from your accommodation is somewhere safe, clean and comfortable. There was always a cheerful security person on the front vehicle gate when you drove in of a night, I never saw a single cockroach, the two pools looked fine though we never actually used them and although for a couple of days one of the elevators wasn't working there were other ones to use, or god forbid the stairs.

There was free ice machines and the laundry area was clean and simple to use. From a geographical location the hotel could not be better. The Palm Parkway that it sits on runs parallel to the interstate meaning you can shoot North up what is a relatively quieter road and come into SeaWorld and Universal from the far easier western side. There is also a huge Wal-Mart on a continuation of this road where you can stock up on all the things you might need as well as being able to get cash from the ATM. (There was an ATM at the hotel but I’m always concerned about the surcharge that might be added at a hotel ATM). This really is on the right side of the interstate and meant that moving around Orlando once you’ve got your bearings or found a decent map (they don’t exist) was so easy.

If you aren't hugely fussy and pedantic and don’t have tastes way beyond your cheque book I couldn't recommend a better place to stay in Orlando.

My brother and I even did a video review of the hotel room in an MTV Cribs style fashion. You can see it here if you wish http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cre6gF5NsJw

Florida nightlife and female interaction

My brother and I went out every single night looking for nightlife. On some occasions if things weren’t ‘happening’ at a particular place we would move on and covered a fair chunk of miles shooting up and down the interstate to find the elusive bar full of fun loving cheerleaders!

Nightlife in Orlando is surprisingly hard to find, especially for really great nights. Pleasure Island initially looks like it will be good until you realise that a big chunk of the crowd are people that haven’t changed since visiting the parks during the day. Hence because of this few seem to make that real effort to having a night out and just stroll around with their bottles of drink wearing trainers, shorts and baseball caps.

Motion was probably the most popular club in the complex. A quick look in (even through the doors if you don’t want to commit to buying a ticket) here would provide a good barometer of what the rest of the clubs would be like. If it is busy in here then there will be a good smattering in the other clubs. If it’s dead and you can see the stage at the far end it’s probably worth heading back to your car.

It has quite a large dance floor with a stage to the front and two long bars on either side of the dance floor. In the far left corner, doors are open so you can take your drink outside and have a look at the lake. There is also a second floor that overlooks the dance floor but I never ventured up here.

Mannequins, with its rotating dance floor, sounds good on paper but on all the occasions we went in there it must have been about a sixth full. Few things are more depressing on a hoped for good night than seeing a half empty dance floor with those on it seemingly dancing to a completely different song than the one actually being played.

8traxx played some very good music and is a lot more party in it’s music selection but there was something missing. I’m no player, far from it, but it’s nice to feel the magic that a spark of attraction could happen. In this place that just didn’t exist. I don’t know why but the people in there just looked like those that don’t get out that often.

The Rock’n’roll beach club always sounded like it was playing good music but I think this was because the speakers for the DJ for the whole complex were located right night to the place. Hence you’d go up to take a look and see a live band playing on stage. This is fine if you like live music but we don’t so didn’t venture in there a great deal.

We ventured into the BET soundstage only once. It pretty much only plays RnB and Hip hop and when we headed downstairs to the dance floor I confess we felt an atmosphere directed towards us in the place. If you aren’t part of the usual demographic that listens to this music then you could well feel a little intimidated here.

Citywalk in Universal is a lot better but it is a trek from the car park to get to the bars and clubs so it is harder to cut and run if everywhere is dead. The clubs and bars close at 2.00am yet they don't seem to get 'buzzing' until about 11.30-12.00. I could never understand this as you think people would want to make a night of it and get more out of the night earlier.

CityJazz is an impressive small venue but we went on the Monday to take part in the karaoke night. It would have been one of the best places I would have ever done karaoke in had we not sat there with just two others for 30 minutes. Utterly dead. Bob Marleys: (the pretentiously PC titled) Tribute to freedom bar was exactly what you’d expect it to be with an open air dance floor.

A good place for pre clubbing/dancing drinks is the Red Coconut. It's a bit flash with some pretentious types in there but worth checking out. The layout is nice but you get the impression they are more interested in making money from endless bottle service or filling the VIP areas, which sometimes seem bigger than the normal areas, than actually wanting people to enjoy themselves.

The Groove is the primary nightclub. It’s quite cool inside with a reasonable dance floor and a stage at the front which offers the ultimate ‘look at me’ VIP area. The music was ok and is spread over a couple of floors, though the dance floor is only on the ground floor. There are two bars downstairs and at least one more upstairs. There is an outside terrace on the second floor overlooking the complex for smokers and if you want to be able to hear someone talk to you.

Like PI, Citywalk was surprisingly affected by the days of the week. I know that sounds a silly thing to say but I genuinely thought that being such a well serviced destination and with so many workers having different shift days that the nights would be all fun and varied. Not so. Sundays - Thursdays were dead almost everywhere. You know how you forget what day of the week it is when on holiday? Well here the nightlife always reminded us because you'd think 'right is there going to be anyone out tonight'.

Blue Martini is located in the Mall at Millennia and isn't bad. We were delighted when we eventually found it hoping it would be the complete opposite of Pleasure Island. Chock full of people prepared to dress up for a good night out. There are a lot of 40-50 year old men trying it on with 30-40 year old women and it's a little pretentious but it's worth checking out for a quick drink or two. Barmaids have sexy little outfits but were the best we found for being as cold as possible and ignoring the left tip for as contemptuously long as possible. I’d sum it up as being full of old men who couldn’t dance, slightly younger women who thought they could and arrogant manufactured barmaids who loved themselves.

The one in Tampa seemed a lot friendlier and relaxed though still full of blokes remorselessly hitting on everything that moved. Unfortunately we went there on a Sunday and a Monday as these were the two days that we were down there. Chatted to, though wasn’t trying to chat up, a lovely bar maid on the Monday night about the constantly trying it on guys. Whilst there one guy was so desperately trying with the lame ‘where and how do I sign this credit card receipt?’.

Despite her looks she seemed quite genuine and was actually the first barmaid that recognised and thanked us for her tip. We both would have liked to talk to her normally but I think the reality of this would never have happened. We made do with telling her that she’d been the first to show us that there are some good looking American females who are prepared to talk to you and appear grateful for a tip.

The bars around Church St are good but a bit of a mixed bag. The streets around the area can seem full of people moving around but nobody actually seems to be going anywhere if that makes sense. The pavements are busy but the clubs are half full. It can be a bit tricky to get to as the main highway exit is closed but the provision for parking is good.

Latitudes isn't bad. Spread over four or five floors you've got a ground floor pumping out pop and r'n'b with not much space, plenty of jostling and grindin' if lucky. The next level up is another bar with a balcony overlooking said jostling area. Next up is a cheers style bar with sports showing TV’s behind the bar and a mezzanine level up from that. On the top floor is the open air bar. It’s quite cool up here but as with many of the other places everybody seems to know everyone else. Next door to this is Antigua’s. This is bigger and only on the one floor. It’s supposed to be an 80’s night on a Saturday but for me the occasional 80’s track in a sea of normal pop does not make for a bona fide 80’s night.

Things got so bad with people just milling about Church Street that on one particularly frustrating night we followed three good looking girls to see where they ended up. They headed into a club called Dolce’s. We would have followed them in but it looked expensive with fancy cars parked outside and a considerably better entrance than many of the other clubs we’d seen. We visited it on the last Saturday of the holiday dolled up in white black shirt and trousers with white jackets.

We discovered that the club had only opened whilst we were there and despite its ‘look’ from the outside it was only $10 to get in. A very good size, spread over a few floors with a big dance floor. Some money had been spent on it and it certainly looked like the people inside had made an effort. It only filled up to about a quarter of what it could hold. As with a lot of US clubs I think the VIP was too big and you ended up with more people in the VIP area than the normal area, which isn’t how it’s supposed to be is it?

We looked good (I’m not being arrogant) and we for once got a little bit of attention i.e. people wanting their photos taken with us and one girl describing my brother as looking ‘hot’. I saw the best looking girl I’d seen for the entire holiday in there and she did look over at one point but after my talk of how the guys seem to hit on everything I wasn’t going to assume I was in just from a look. I did have to make an approach at the end and tell her she was the best thing I’d seen all holiday but she seemed unimpressed with my accent and my conversational skills deserted me. It was probably the best club we went to from a point of the actual club and me seeing the best looking girl but it still wasn’t properly buzzing like a club back home.

If you want to find the real locals then Thursday night at The Roxy is college night. When we eventually found this it looked a little rough round the edges and we were a touch wary of going in. We parked up in the temporary car park to the right of it ($5) and headed in not sure what to expect. It was probably the one club that we went to that we saw completely full and had a good ‘up for it’ dancing wise atmosphere.

We did on one occasion see a couple of muppets in the VIP area of Roxys throwing one dollar bills onto the dance floor in an attempt to look like rapstars/ganstas. It looked so lame that I was tempted to hand some of them back because you couldn’t have expected them to be doing it seriously. More alarming was the white trash scrambling around to pick them up. If you want to experience a genuine regulars, non touristy club then this would be your daddy.

I found the women in Florida, and this might apply to the US as a whole, quite unapproachable. Loads of people including US citizens had said how popular the English accent would be. I personally didn’t believe them due to the fact that Orlando is so popular with Brits that they’d be bored of it. Few got to hear it because so many of the girls seem to assume everyone is hitting on them. To be fair from the US guys that I saw this would be the case. They are just relentless. A girl could walk on the dance floor and within a minute some guy would be grindin’ her and trying it on. If he got blown out another would replace him in under a minute.

Because of this constant attention it seemed the women either didn’t bother making eye contact for fear that it might incorrectly indicate to someone that they were interested or because they received so much sunshine every night that they didn’t need to look around as they knew they would be approached all night by a regular stream of guys.

It did disappoint us somewhat. We weren’t going out there to score but with all the planning during the days we’d hoped that keeping the nights open would offer some spontaneous excitement. It sounds like we wanted to just shag all the time. This wasn’t the case but I love American girls and we had hoped that we would just get a chance to interact with a few if possible. It would have been nice to have just met a couple of girls and show them what a good night out was to us. Maybe a meal, a drink, some proper, fun dancing before grabbing some late night scram at the deserted (well certainly in the evening which was amazing) B-line 24 hour diner.

Oh well at least we can say we certainly did everything we possibly could to find some Orlando nightlife. I know some will say that Orlando is a family destination so you won’t find anything but it is also a service industry town and those employees (and relatives of employees) need to let their hair down at some point.

In hindsight I’d say that Thursdays – Saturdays are the best nights to go out. Any others and it will be tough. For any single guys reading this my advice would be don’t try and fit in or lower yourself to chasing every bit of skirt but rather remain a little aloof, make an effort in your dress to stand out a little more and wait for them to approach, or make it obvious to you that they want you to.

Barcelona. November 2006

Brief summary.

Flight with Iberia. Check in at Hotel 1898. Roof top pool and basement pool/spa/gym, La Fonda restaurant, Marsella bar, Baha beach club, train and cable car to Montserrat monastery, stroke the Black Madonna, funicular to the top of the mountain, train and then Metro back, Flamenco dancing, Sugar Club restaurant, El Bosc de les Fades, Tour bus ride, Sagrada Familia, Nou Camp, Taller des tapas, Metro to Nou Camp, Barcelona match, Old centre, Baha beach club, late night tab, flight back with BA.

Once again our company Christmas soiree had come round and my bosses again humbled us with the generosity of the location of our Xmas trip. Knowing what an organisational geek I am they had let me choose where we would stay and make the arrangements.

Thursday

After about what must have been two or so hours sleep that night I was up at five am. I was excited and must have run through a million times in my mind what I'd packed, what I'd need and what I should and shouldn't have in my hand luggage. Left the house when I meant to at six wearing some new clobber which added to feeling of excitement. Traffic on the A2 seemed busier than I expected it would be at that time and an element of panic kicked in that what if after all my planning I was the one drastically late due to heavy traffic. Thankfully I made good time once off the A2 and picked up a work colleague just when I was supposed to. Onwards to meet up with two bosses where we got a cab to Paddington station.

The sun was now up and we got to Paddington to meet another colleague. It's a great feeling of control when you've got all your clothing and stuff together in the case and hand luggage rucksack. For once I feel highly adaptable that someone could spring a surprise destination on me and I'd just shrug and say 'yeah let's go'. Got on the Heathrow Express which was pretty cool. It was clean, roomy and uncrowded. I even hit the toilet which was amazingly clean and fresh for a train toilet and with things going this well was feeling the anticipation build. I looked good in the mirror, bar the slightly too short haircut, and I felt chipper. Disembarked at the airport with little fuss and having checked in online the previous day sailed through check-in. It helped that we were practically the first ones there. Got some currency while we waited for two remaining colleagues and went through security and passport control when they arrived.

The security guys commented on my Hoff t-shirt and it's always good to identify what does and doesn't illicit a reaction from others. I'd been looking forward to breakfast at the airport's JD Wetherspoons as this would signal the beginning of the holiday and we got ourselves settled and ordered the breakfast. Double egg, sausage, bacon, toast, mushrooms, beans, hash browns and a vodka and orange. The plastic cutlery was disappointing, particularly as I managed to snap both the knife and the fork in half during various points in the meal. Spirits and laughter were high and a full belly only helped. Grabbed an Xbox 360 magazine and a bottle of water from WHSmiths and headed to the plane. It was an Iberia plane heading out and needless to say pre-designating our seats made no difference as the seating plan we had worked to bore absolutely no resemblance to that of the actual plane. The flight was only two hours so as I was at a window seat I tucked my small rucksack between my feet and buckled in.

I love flying. I don't ever want to get bored with it. The notion of everyone strapped in ready to go and the roar of the engines when we start thundering down the runway is just great. After the stern look I got from my mate when we went to Las Vegas I beamed out a smile as the plane swept off the ground and climbed steeply. Watching the ground fall away and the surrounding landscape (although not that stunning) is a killer rush that gets me every time. There wasn't any food or anything brought round but my bottle of water and supply of mint humbugs and chocolate eclairs kept me nicelty entertained on the consumables. Chatted to M about the Xbox 360 as I hadn't really done so since getting it and enjoyed reading the reviews of GOW and COD 3 and preview of Halo 3 in my mag, which re-inforced how I was now part of an elite club.

The stewardesses of Iberia weren't much to look at, not that I'm saying I'm a great looking passenger, and seemed incapable of offering a sincere smile. Plane touched down and it was a lot warmer that any of us had expected. It wasn't boiling but I immediately knew that I wouldn't need to wear the vests that I'd packed. Passed through passport control reasonably easily, apart from myself who unknowingly was standing in the non-european queue. A colleague had advised that it made more sense to get the Aerobus (A1) into the centre rather than the train and her knowledge was born out by the amount waiting as we exited the terminal building. Few of us had change for the ticket machine which I think was 3.75 Euro's each and once of us had to resort to a credit card which I was wary of doing. You know me and credit, the idea of getting screwed over with a credit card minutes into the holiday unnerved me. The bus was quick and easy, straight to Placa de Catalunya and we hopped off and trundled off down Las Ramblas in search of our hotel, Hotel 1898.

I'd produced a fact sheet for all our party with names, telephone numbers, addresses, rough itinerary etc and the directions given to find the hotel were spot on. The hotel was great and I'll give you the splurge they wrote which accurately sums it up.

"Formerly headquarters of the Philippine Tobacco Company, this renovated colonial-style 19th century hotel is located on Barcelona’s famous boulevard, La Rambla, 200 metres from Plaça de Catalunya.   Opened in 2006, the marble-floored lobby of the Hotel 1898 is an oasis of calm in the centre of the city, a world away from the bustle of La Rambla. Business travellers and tourists enjoy drinks at the bar and relax on sofas beneath gently whirring ceiling fans. Black and white movies play on a plasma-screen television, setting the tone for a hotel that combines old-world style with modern touches.In summer guests can take a dip in the outdoor rooftop swimming pool, and enjoy views over Barcelona from the sundeck.

The basement houses an indoor pool and health spa offering cardio gym, sauna, steam room, power showers and myriad treatments. Free of use to guests, the rooftop pool and terrace offers sweeping views of the city and out across to the Mediterranean Sea. Complimentary towels are also available, as are sun loungers, and a poolside bar opens from June to October. The health spa in the hotel’s basement provides a heated indoor swimming pool with complimentary towels, cardio gym, sauna, steam room, and powers showers. Superior room - One king or two twin beds. Contemporary colonial-style decor with hardwood floor and dark wood furnishings. Pillow menu. Small balcony with views of La Rambla. Plasma-screen TV with satellite channels, complimentary wireless Internet access, minibar, safe, and multi-line phone. Bathrobes and slippers. Marble bathroom with shower/tub combination."

We checked in and headed up to our rooms. As the description implies they were pretty cool. Not big compared to American standards but plenty of storage, very tastefully furnished, plasma on the wall and a wonderful bathroom. Double doors opened to balconette railings facing towards the Meridien hotel. As I'd done in Vegas the previous year I was keen to check out the pool as this for me would be the acceptance that I was in Barcelona and the holiday was on. We did a quick recce to the roof terrace. I knew there was a pool up there but thought it would be closed or empty of water. The only thing closed was just the roof terrace bar and the pool (1 metre deep, about 7.5 metres long and 5 metres wide) was heated to the level of a warm bath. What a result. I knew of the pool downstairs but had never expected this one to be usable. We also checked out the basement pool and spa which were glorious. Sliding doors lead into a wide corridor passing a towel collection/drop off desk. A changing room with showers and lockers, a great pool which had a wonderful bricked ceiling arching over the top. It also has two powerful shower heads, one wide, one narrow, that can act as a massage tool, a corner which is also a jacuzzi and two submerged metal recliners than when activated pump bubbles of air around you body. There was also a well stocked gym with running machine, cycling machine and free weights, a really nice tiled steam room, a sauna and two showers, one of which had a tip-able bucket of iced water for when you wanted added invigoration after stepping out of the sauna. I'd never seen one of these before.

We quickly nipped to the Carrefour supermarket which was on Las Ramblas about 25 metres up the road to grab some water, coke, crisps etc for the room and no one gave us grief about bringing them back into the hotel. Quickly changed into swimming shorts and the supplied slippers and bathrobe and headed up to the roof terrace with M and another colleague. What a blast, all I needed was a cigar and I would have felt like Elliot Gould in Oceans Eleven. I confess it was a little nippy on the terrace in just shorts but once you'd slipped your shoulders beneath the warm water is was brilliant. Well here I was, in a pool, looking up at the early evening blue sky, ready to commence another short holiday. What pleased me as well was how impressed the others were with the hotel I'd chosen. Granted I'd run it by them and they wouldn't have let me pick a dog of a place but it still felt good. We took the lift from the terrace straight down to the basement and took a quick dip in the pool there, along with the sauna and steam room.

All met up in the hotel foyer at 5.30pm and took our first walk down Las Ramblas. It's a cosmopolitan place but not as busy and hectic as I might have expected. It has two narrow lanes of traffic running down the right handside and two narrow lanes running up the left handside. In the middle is a wide thorough fare where street entertainers (the kind that stand motionless on a plinth) are dotted along it in between the occasional newspaper kiosks and collection of tables and chairs from the adjoining restaurants. We passed the 'Monument a Colom' with it's Trafalgar Square like lion statues and took the pedestrian bridge over to the Maremagnum shopping centre. Walking over the bridge we looked down where lights were shining under the water and it was teeming with hundreds of fish. I was up for continuing to walk as I feared that if we stopped tiredness might catch up with me and and I'd crash out. We stopped and that happened. The shopping centre was pretty quiet as it was around 6.00ish and we ordered a mixture of beers and hot chocolates from a bar that we were at. I went for a hot chocolate which was very nice and so thick it was almost like chocolate gravy. The sugar content wasn't enough to keep me ticking over and I could feel my eyes struggling to remain open. At one point I went to the toilet and discovered the worst one of the holiday. It stunk, was dirty and the slow release light switch seemed to only last for about 20 seconds. Hence I ended up conducting most of my urinal session in dank, smelly darkness.

Thankfully we stayed there for about an hour and a half and moving on got the blood flowing round my body. We'd read good reports of a restaurant called La Fonda on Carrer del Escudellers that was inexpensive and very popular. It didn't open until 8.30 yet it was advised to get there early as people started queuing from about 8.00pm. We took the advice and thankfully so as people had started queuing by the time we got there. It's on a pretty dingy alleyway and there were a bunch of suspicious youths congregated at the far end but it wasn't hugely threatening. I was hungry and was keen to get in and get some food in me. We were sat at a circular table, which was highly socialable. The menu was limited but with main course hovering around the 10 euro's mark you couldn't really grumble.

I went for a potato omelette for starters, which was a little bland. I wish I'd had the mixed paella that my colleague had. I wasn't taken on the prawn positioned right in the middle staring out at the consumer but the rice etc was nice. Went for a lamb shank for main course which was good and filling. We were all drinking wine, cava or spirits. I'd ordered a vodka and orange and got my first experience of spanish spirit servings. The Vodka must have taken up about 70% of the glass and the first glass proved hard to take down. The food began to take effect in re-energizing me as did the alcohol as I sailed through my second glass and onto a third. Profiteroles for dessert which were very nice and our conversations became funnier and our laughter louder. We weren't raucous or vulgar but the atmosphere in there isn't stuffy and it seems grounded in a bit more reality than some swanky, piped music, square dinner plate affair. It felt good that all seven of us were in Barcelona. These people who we see daily yet we are together round a table in another country. I think I shot-gunned the third V&O, we settled the bill and took a slow walk back to the hotel. We had a final drink in the fairly expensive hotel bar and those that were tired retired for the night while myself, M and another colleague decided to try out the fabled Bar Marsella, home of the Absinthe.

The guide books had said it was down some dark alleys and they weren't wrong. It's selling of Absinthe had been 'upped' in many places and I was expecting it to be a real mecca for Absinthe drinkers. We walked in and I trotted up to the bar and asked for three Hapsburgs. As any connoisseur will know this is the strongest Absinthe money can buy at a whopping 89.9%. The staff looked at me blankly, I asked what other versions they had and they only sold one, which he didn't even know the name of. I like the effect of Absinthe but really don't like the taste and this was served in like a brandy glass. They provided the sugar and water which I tried to use but it did nothing to improve the taste and I knocked it back in two gulps. If the first V&O at La Fonda had been hard to take down then this was far worse. I was a little disappointed if I'm honest. I had hoped that the shameless name dropping would have granted acceptance to a special level of understanding whereas in reality it was just a very run down bar that happened to sell Absinthe. This badly broken nosed, over produced hair English wide boy latched onto us and seemed to be a club promoter as he hustled us to go onto a club with him. We downed a couple of Jaggermeister (black Veno's like liquid) shots with him and politely declined. The bar was a tired looking hole though the vibe seemed good if a little bohemian.

We decided to head back to Las Ramblas and when we came outside saw this wannabe footballer (the English guy) on his mobile phone. He looked over at us sheepishly and moved away. Something wasn't right and fearing the worst kind of 'hostel' style snatch hurried to the main drag with our senses heightened. Nothing happened and it was probably nothing. Our colleague decided to return to the hotel before the absinthe and two shots hit home and we watched him head with a little weaving back up to the hotel. We then decided to get a cab to the Baha beach club. My research had shown this was a 'sawdust on the floor' type of place and we thought as good a place as any to start the holiday. We decided not to show the taxi driver the address and simply get in the cab and say with confidence the Baha beach club. We assumed that any good cabbie would know the clubs and thought there was less chance of being scammed if we displayed a little savvy. Got propositioned as a cab pulled up by a hooker offering that we share a cab and have some sex together. We declined her considerate offer and jumped in the cab. The shots were now beginning to kick in and I could certainly feel my cheeks began to warm and feel a little tighter. The Baha beach club was in a cluster of   other clubs including CDLC (though I don't remember clearly seeing this) along with Catwalk and Shoko. Catwalk had a big queue and looked very much that is was the kind of place where you might have needed to arrange VIP access and bottle service beforehand as we had done at Pure in Las Vegas the previous year.

We wandered into Baha which wasn't that busy, it was a Thursday night and stayed for two or three drinks. It's probably comparable to a JD Wetherspoon's pub and by this I mean their 'Lloyds bar' variant. Loud, cheesy and doesn't take itself too seriously. The DJ plays from inside a speedboat! The alcohol was really taking effect and feeling that we had given Barcelona a proper welcome decided to head back to the hotel. As we walked up the stairs to leave three girls were coming in and I detected American accents. Right off the bat I asked them where they were from in America, one of them said Ohio to which I replied have you been to Cedar Point. She gave me a beaming smile and instead of continuing the conversation on the stairs we decided to move back into the club. I got in a round and she started chatting to my mate so I commenced on the other two. One of them was an attractive blonde and I was conscious that they were only in their very early 20's and a lot younger than me.

They were interesting to talk to as they were in town as part of what I believe was called a Semester Cruise. Get this, basically their parents had put them on a cruise ship which lasts about 6 or so months where they get to travel round the globe stopping at the major ports. When out to sea they would concentrate on their studies continuing their college courses, and then when docked would be put up in a hotel and allowed to explore. How amazing is that. They admitted they were very lucky and had so far seen Hawaii, Japan, Vietnam, Burma, India, Eygpt, Turkey, Croatia and onto Barcelona. They asked for an email address and hugely frustratingly I didn't have my cards on me. Sod's law is a bitch isn't it? Here was a ship with about 250+ American college students on it, probably occasionally bored and my beacon of light website could have spread through them like wildfire. Would you rather read about Ancient Egypt or my 10,000 word trip report on Las Vegas. The curtain was oh so briefly pulled back on my website at last exploding onto the world stage but was foiled by having left them in my hotel room. I know I could have written it on a napkin but my site demands more respect than that!

They seemed to cool a little, maybe I was becoming so pissed that I was boring but I was genuinely interested in hearing about their travels. They moved off and onto the dancefloor and seemed to play a little hard to get. That shit never works with me as I just became bored. Last thing I saw was some other guys hitting on them. It must have been about 3.30 - 4.00ish now and we decided to head back. The evening air hit me and I realised that I was really stoked. Got a cab back to the hotel and upon getting into the room I had the sense that I needed to make myself sick. I don't like the idea of doing it sober and I don't always do it but I think I've got to a point that when my body hits a certain threshold I know it's better to get it all out of me rather than try to sweat it out over the course of the following day.

Head went down as far into the bowl as I could to avoid blowback (I could have dunked for apples had there been any in there) and blew. A quick rinse and I staggered to the bed. I remember collapsing on it, setting the alarm and getting changed into t-shirts and shorts and thats it. Apparently my mate kindly tucked me in as I'd fallen asleep on top of the sheets. It might have got a little messy in the toilet (ie being sick) but I think I saw in my first day into Barcelona well.

Friday

I felt rough when the alarm went off about four hours later. I hit it on snooze and my ever reliable friend had to give me another push to get me up. I was meant to be meeting my other boss (P) down in the hotel foyer at 9.00 for us to visit Montserrat. It was about 8.40 and I felt like shit. Thankfully I'd pre-planned what I was going to wear when we went to Montserrat and the rucksack had in it all the little bits I needed. The only difficult part was dragging myself into the bathroom and attempting to revive my body. The bath is a good size with a huge showerhead over the top. In my foggy state I couldn't fathom how to turn it on and mindful of the time showered under the small hand-held shower. Washed. brushed, sprayed, dressed and downstairs for 9.05.

We headed off and decided that it might be quicker to walk to Placa d'Espanya to catch the train. They left hourly at 36 minutes past. I felt a little cold, tired and very fragile. P said I looked very pale and seemed to be walking on the balls of my feet. We ended up walking the same distance as two lengths of Las Ramblas and got to the station about two minutes too late. I felt pretty sheepish that maybe if I'd been a little more on time we would have made it but P was very understanding and didn't give me any grief or withering looks. We grabbed some bottles of water and coke and got the tickets. We then went and sat on the wide steps infront of the Palau de la Metal-Iurgia for the next train. God knows how P kept herself entertained as I rested my head on my knees and attempted to get a few minutes of sleep/rest.

Soon enough my time was up and we returned to the station to board the train. Thankfully I realised that we had made a bit of an error and got the ticket which covered the train fare to Montserrat and then the slow mountain train that chugged up the hill. We managed to explain this to one of the guys who kindly resolved the issue and handed us the tickets to cover train ride and cable car. The train journey really helped. I managed to wedge my head, protected by a beanie hat, in between the glass and edge of the seat and get some blissful sleep. With the occasional glug of water I arrived at the Montserrat Aeri station, which is one before the main one, feeling completely chipper and ready to go. First view of the mountain, scenery and monastery perched about two thirds up was pretty impressive and after a short wait we boarded the next cable car.  

We where right on the front and P was a little perturbed by the lack of glass panel directly infront of us. I was excited and couldn't wait to start the journey. It felt like real Where Eagles Dare stuff, especially as I'd never been in a cable car before. It pulled away from the housing and started it's ascent. It was so quiet and gliding along you felt like you could have been in a hot air balloon. It made quite a steep climb and I confess there was an enjoyable hair raising moment as it approached the first support pylon. The ground seems to quickly race up to meet the pylon and also the bottom of the cable car and there were quite a few sharp intakes of breath as we seemed to pass within a whisker of the rock for the ground to then literally drop away once past it. Great. The monastery area was pretty cool and very big. It did have a road that came up to it which must have snaked down the backside of the mountain and the complex was pretty big in size. It had an air of peace and tranquility and wasn't heaving with masses of people which was really nice. The day was clear, though when we looked up to the summit we could see cloud moving over and brushing the top.

We had a gander round and tried to figure a way in before spying some steps next to the information office that led up to a courtyard. From here you could enter the main abbey. It was hushed and we were respectful. Neither of us are very religious but we decided to check out the statue of the Black Madonna which is the main tourist draw. We queued in muted, yet not total silence to file past the statue. There is a lot of glitz and gold tiling etc and the actual statue is encased in glass with only her hand and accompanying ball able to touch. There was an American woman in front who took an age photographing it, which I didn't mind, but what was funny was how after we stepped in after and started rubbing the ball as I'd read this is what you should do, well ok touch the ball, she felt compelled to check back and do the same. You could see she had no idea why she was doing it but she clearly didn't want to miss out on the complete 'experience'. We also lit a candle each and said our prayers mine involving something along the lines of untold happiness, wealth, buxom wenches, a good lunch and Halo 3 to deliver the goods.

I was feeling great. The fresh air, sleep on the train and chenelle jumper from Tescos was doing me a power of good. New clothes can feel great and the fact that this jumper was big, snugly and warm made me feel I could take on any weather. We took the funicular up to the summit, which is 4,000 feet above sea level and the views were even more breathtaking. They say on a clear day that you can see the coast and even Ibiza. It was a clear day but we couldn't see that far though to be fair we didn't go right to the very top. Signposts indicated that the summit, Saint Jerome, was an hours walk away. We plumped for another chapel which was meant to be 20 minutes away. The air was so clean and fresh, I felt invigorated and initially we were walking through mist as the passing clouds grazed the top of the mountain. The path to the chapel was closed so we ventured a little off track to take a pew on a rocky outcrop, take in the view and a swig of coke. The name Montserrat literally means 'jagged mountain' and there was an area to our right that could have been the spiky spines of a dragon descending down to the ground. It was a cathartic moment and blew away the residue of the previous nights excesses. It was also a reminder how expensive nights can be fun but also the simple things like a far reaching view have their own merits.

We grabbed a couple of photos before heading down the funicular to the monastery complex for a spot of late lunch. The canteen there was well stocked and the food looked fresh. I went for some pork with small jackets halves whilst P went for some pizza and assorted tapas. We followed this with a mooch around the souvenier shop. As expected it was full of assorted tatt including plastic images of the Black Madonna, rosary beads, chanting monks CD's and garish looking plates and saucers. We picked up a Montserrat snow dome for one of our colleagues, some hand made chocolate which turned out to be as hard as anything and probably useful to replace Kendal Mint Cake if ever stranded on the side of a mountain and finally a rather fetching glow in the dark statuette of the Black Madonna to sit atop our new safe. We'd spent a good few hours there and decided to head back. The cable car back down was a little more hair raising as you were naturally inclined to be looking down on the return trip and thus maybe more aware of the height.

P snoozed on the way home and upon getting back to Placa Espanya we decided to take the Metro. Bearing in mind the more than occasional but less than frequent sewage smell that exists in Barcelona I expected the Metro to be dirty, smelly and hot. I couldn't have been further from the truth. A suited Barcelonian assisted us with our ticket purchase, the platform had an arrival countdown to the next train and the carriages themselves were clean, perfumed and air conditioned. Back to the hotel, had a chat with M whilst necking a Red Bull and hammering a large bag of ruffles from Carrefour, god they are moreish, before heading downstairs to the spar for a swim in the pool, use of the hydrotherapy chair and sauna. We'd made plans to do stuff this evening and I wanted to take the chance to really relax and I did. After the hot sauna I even braved the ice bucket shower. There was a little trepidation and hesitation at pulling the lever but about 10 seconds after the shock had passed the skin tingled making it all worthwhile. I checked out the private showers and they looked great so I quickly scooted back to the room to grab shower gel etc. What a great shower. It had about four different variants of which I settled on this fat streamed, white water version which was wonderful. There was buckets of room, the heat was just right and it also allowed my room mate the comfort of being able to shower in our room at his leisure.

We hooked up in the hotel foyer again at around 7.30 for a quick drink and then trotted down Las Ramblas to attend the Flamenco dancing at Tablao Flamenco Cordobes. I'm aware some on Tripadvisor said that this place was very touristy but at the end we wanted to see an example of Flamenco dancing and this was within walking distance and on the way to our after event restaurant. The venue of the flamenco was nothing special, it looked a little tired and they can feed you as well in a separate dining area. We went straight for the first performance at 20.15 and were shown to our seats. The room in which it was being performed was quite small and seated in a 'first in sits at the far end and then work back' effect. As we'd got there close to the performance time we were three rows back but effectively slap in the middle of the stage (well I was anyway). It was quite an impressive performance. I hadn't realised that it was so tap dancing based and was like a spanish riverdance but without the lights, sweeping music, fixed grins and huge acts. No, this was a little more intimate and you were certainly close enough to see the acted contempt in the women's faces when they danced and the bulging veins in the temples of the guys as they passionately belted out their wails, sorry songs, of lost love or whatever it was. I don't know what it is about flamenco but   bar the occasional spoken 'OIe' it does seem to require every male singer to sing his lines just outside the natural limit of   his voice. I'm sure it   gets across the passion and angst but certainly at the beginning seeing a guy nearly bent over with a crimson face nailing out an ode to a local honey is quite alarming.

Once you are confident they are not going to die from a broken blood vessel but rather a broken heart your attention can turn back to the women. They are certainly all steely gazed when dancing and very serious.   They have also perfected the handclap which combines a clap followed by a twisting wipe. I spent a good 10 minutes trying to figure out if this was done to remove sweat to keep the clap audible or some form of RSI deterrant. The women twirl and tap a plenty while the two guys, one wearing a red shirt that was still sweat/salt encrusted from an earlier performance, are very dominant with plenty of stern faces, aggresive footstamps   and dramatic   thrusting of arms to the ground. I confess it's very dazzling and once I'd warmed to the hard faced mommas could appreciate it for the energetic, rythmic entertainment that it was. Overlooking the dreadful Sangria they served as the token 'free drink' and slightly shabby presentation it was good fun and although far removed from what purists would call 'real flamenco' we all seemed to enjoy it.

From here we took a walk down to the Sugar Club which is a restaurant in the World Trade Centre that then turns into a nightclub. It had a nice view out over the marina and towards Maremagnum. The decoration was a little cliched with lots of drapped sheets from the ceilings and subtle hues of dark pinks and blue. It had some booths up against the wall and one imagined that it took itself very seriously. For a Friday night and a late serving, table had been booked for 10.15, it was less than half full. It had an air of pretension which followed through into the service, which I've got to say was appalling. The waiter would forget drinks, bring out courses at different times and do the classic 'I don't need to write things down because I can remember' and then promptly forget orders. Others in my party enjoyed the food but I was distinctly underwhelmed. Before the starters they served what we believed to be a complimentary cold curry sauce-like drink. We hadn't asked for it and initially thought it a nice touch until we discovered that they had charged us for it! My main was lamb and it wasn't good. The main meat had a layer of gristle running through it that made it feel like I was chewing a piece of wet suit and that made the loud crunchy sound that only you could hear when attempting to bite down on it.

After four mouthfuls, and having had to discreetly eject one of them, I closed my knife and fork in disgust. I didn't want to ruin or spoil anyone else's meal and seem a grumpy bastard. Another colleague was happy to finish my dish and didn't seem to object to the lamb. Maybe his teeth are better than mine. Dessert was a nice chocolate steamed pudding with hot chocolate sauce oozing out once you punctured the dome. Again though the cocky waiter didn't bother to write the order down and hence delivered six desserts to a table of seven. I glared at him and by this point was becoming royally cheesed off with his lacklustre attitude. They began to clear the tables away in preparation for the club and we requested the bill. It was here that we discovered the inclusion of the unrequested starter. Had we been in the UK and able to articulate our disgruntlement I think it would have gone further but realising the language barrier would make it too hard settled and left. Outside the club was an area cordoned off with a braided rope. This area must have been able to hold hundreds and bearing in mind there was only about 50 in the club when we left at 12.30ish I think they were being a little ambitious. We walked back to Las Ramblas and didn't pass a soul so god knows how they get their trade. Very disappointing.

The night was still young and we decided to grab a drink in the fabled El Bosc de la Fades. This is located right next to the waxwork museum just off Las Ramblas and features a couple of dark rooms with knarled trees, imitation grottos and even a little bridge with stream. It was quite lively in there but for Barcelona seemed to close really early. Well I guess it was probably 1.00 ish by this point. We all grabbed a final few nightcaps in the hotel bar and I felt the need to retire around 3.00 as sleep was desperately calling me.

Saturday

Saturday was going to be a slightly more relaxed day with a later start and the chance of a more sedate morning. Four of us agreed to meet in the foyer and try out the Bus Turistic routes which leave from Placa Catalunya. We got waylaid by a salesman from the orange bus company, don't know their exact name, who hit my colleagues with a salespin about how his service offered just one big round route rather than Bus Turistic's two different routes. I was a little wary and displayed it but my colleagues thought it a good idea so went for it. Two of them went with him up to an office to arrange payment which kinda unnerved me but everything was fine and we waited for the next bus. We got right at the back on the uncovered top deck and although provided with headphones which plugged into the seat infront with a commentary I decided against them. The sound kept fading in and out and I thought sod it I'll just enjoy the view.

The city does have some interesting architecture but if I'm honest a lot of it seems to sit out of place with it's surroundings. Some of the Gaudi stuff looks crazy and even moreso when flanked by bland, average buildings. It could have done with whole areas having a consistent architectural theme rather than this haphazard approach which to me just looked plain messy. We stopped at Sagrada Familia to take a look around this multi spired monstrosity. First impressions are impressive but when you look closer it seems a mix-mash of styles. Individual areas look very good and the intricacy of the designs are a sight to behold but when pulled back the whole picture it does look a tad disjointed. I had hoped to be able to race up the inner steps of the spires but these were closed, probably as a friend said due to their dangerousness. We paid our admission fee to enter the church which had even more scaffolding on the inside than it did on the outside. The whole thing is due for completion in 2020. The interior did have more of a theme to it and was a lot more awe inspiring. Although no one was working you can see the level of detail that is being used on it and hence why it will take so long to be finished. With it's vast high ceilings and arches is looks like something out of Lord of the Rings and I think will be genuinely stunning when completed.

We did check out underneath the church where there is an exhibition/stroke museum of the works done and still to be done. It's probably heresy to say but not having been blown away by the cathedral I found it all a little tedious though   the smaller scale models did give a better indication as to what the finished article might look like. It echoes what I   said earlier. The cathedral, although interesting just seems to have been plonked in this area with the surrounding buildings not lending themselves to it.

We hopped on the next bus which mades it's way up and to the North of the city. Myself and another colleague (N) got off at the Nou Camp to go on the museum tour. I enjoy watching but only really the big international games but my work colleague was very much into it and I knew how much he wanted to see the stadium. It's the third biggest in the world so held a certain fascination for me as well. When back at the office I had checked to see whether Barcelona were playing, which unfortunately they weren't yet there seemed a lot of activity around the stadium. Could they be playing we wondered? We then saw a sign saying that the last museum tour would end at 5.00pm in preparation for the evening game. Sweet Jesus, could they be playing on the Saturday night we were there. My excitement levels began to bubble and a huge smile grew across the face of N.

We headed over to the ticket office and sure enough, they were playing. FC Barcelona vs Villa Real at 8.00pm. I couldn't believe it. We had nothing planned that evening and the only thing better than seeing a stadium that holds 100,000 is one actually holding 100,000. Tickets were still available and a quick ring round to the gang confirmed that five of us wanted to attend. We studied the seating / price plan to work out the best seats but not neccesarily the most amount of money. N put them on his card and we were done. Five tickets to see Barcelona play that night at the Nou Camp. I was stoked and so was he. We headed down to the club store to get some bits in our post ticket purchase glow. I had brought my gilet with me on the holiday. It is dark blue on the outside and bright orange within. It is also reversible. Knowing my penchant for fluoro everyone, including my brother, had told me that I should never wear it inside out yet Barcelona's away kit was fluoro orange. I decided to buy a club beanie that was bright orange and wear it into the hotel with the gilet turned inside. How could they complain, I was just wearing team colours. We joined up with our colleagues back at the hotel at just after 3.30pm and they groaned at my luminescence. Feeling very hungry we headed over to a place called Taller de Tapas in Place Sant Josep Oriol.

It was a modern looking place and we managed to get a table for six towards the back. We were all really hungry and ordered a load of stuff. Chorizo in cider, fillet steak, potato like wedges, cod block (cold and unpleasant), chick peas, sausages, croquettes and other bits that I can't remember. I had seen on the web how they also did a plate of chorizo, chips and a fried egg. Knowing my simple tastes my colleagues had drawn my attention to this which I also duly ordered. It came on a plate the size of a