Payne by name 

Thanks for stopping by. I don't know whether referral, curiosity or blind luck has brought you here but hopefully I can reward you with an amusing, revealing or disturbing titbit or two!

This website is basically me and who that is, is a slightly obsessive, cynical ,middle aged English male. It's a collection of my thoughts, rambles and rants on a  range of topics which you  can pick and mix from, depending on your mood. And for all my fans there's a section devoted to my alter ego, The Hooded Fingerer.

I'm essentially a 'beans on toast' kind of guy. I'm happy with the simple things in life and know exactly how I like them. So although I enjoy beans on toast I don't actually want the beans on the toast. Soggy toast doesn't work from a taste point of view as well as adding  far too dangerous an element of instability when lifting the serving to your mouth. Hence I prefer to keep them to the side of the toast and I will be the one to decide when the two are introduced to each other.

So if I haven't managed to put you off and you enjoy the odd spot of observational minutiae, can I suggest you grab a cup of tea, kick off your shoes and get stuck in.

I know you can't leave comments on the site but you can still write to say hello or tell me how funny/annoying I am. I love hearing from new people so rest assured that I will respond if you fire something over. Drop me a line at